


Himiko and Shuichi Rob a Bank

by RKS



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 04:30:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11028669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RKS/pseuds/RKS
Summary: [ MINOR IMPLIED SPOILERS, HOPE'S PEAK AU ]After her wallet gets stolen, Himiko decides the best way to remedy her lack of cash is through minor amounts of treason, trespassing, arson, assault, kidnapping, and battery. Not in that particular order.





	Himiko and Shuichi Rob a Bank

**Author's Note:**

> This is so unedited, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway.

“Shuichi, could we get some karinto?”

Shuichi stopped perusing his brochure's map of the park and looked down at Himiko, who was tugging at his detective uniform. One of the native park birds tweeted in the distance, in what would be a melodious tune if any other birds bothered to join in. Some koi fish swam underneath the bridge the two of them were on, observed closely by a plethora of bugs. The sun was high in the sky, raining rays of light down onto the couple. It was, perhaps, the definition of a romantic afternoon.

Shuichi closed his brochure. “Sure. Are there any places that sell karinto nearby?”  
  
“I’ll check!” Himiko blurted out before Shuichi could do anything else, and made a mad dash for her pink, bedazzled cell. Shuichi had to admire how she didn’t cut herself on any of its many brooches as she began to search for nearby places that sold-

“Here!” She said, jabbing her finger at a little dot on her phone’s map. “It’s in the park, and, um…” Her mood deflated. “a mile away.”  
  
“Oh,” Shuichi muttered. “Maybe we could just have daifuku? I know that store over there is sell-”

Himiko's elbow jabbed into his chest, almost resulting in him keeling over.

“Shuichi! Are you saying walking all the way over there is tiresome?!” Himiko said, her mood firing right back up again. “Weren’t you the one who said that I should live positively?!”  
  
Shuichi felt his ahoge droop. “Well, Tenko also told you... er, fact is, that it would be easier just to-”  
  
“Easier?!” Himiko shouted, and snatched the nearest corner of Shuichi’s clothes. With how tightly she was grabbing it, it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for it to rip. “No way! Walking a foot with your head held low isn’t a way to live! You’ve got to run a mile, head held high!”  
  
“Himi-!” Shuichi began, but she was off, running in a hopefully-not-random direction, dragging Shuichi along with her by her grip. He had to work to bring himself upright so his knees weren't ruined by the friction, and he was sent off on an adventure to places unknown.

\------------------

The bank's outdated phone furiously rang next to the bank teller, who was currently busy arguing with some washed out twink about if he _really_ did have a million dollars in his account. A few unruly insults spat out later, she snatched the phone up and slammed it against her ear, teeth clenching in horribly concealed temper.

“Yea'!?” Miu hissed, doing her best to kill the aggravating customer with his eyes. He stuck out his tongue at her.

“T-this is the right bank, right?!” The girl on the other end shrieked on the other end of the phone. “If it’s not, i’m going to lose that promotion my boss is giving me tomorrow!”  
  
“Yea’, it is the Wright Bank!” She said, shooting a glare at the idiotic shortie, who was doing his ‘best’ to hold in a snicker. “Whadda’ want?”  
  
“Um, i’m from Bluecorp, and I was just calling to tell you that we’re d-depositing some valuable items in a f-few hours. T-Thought you should know?”

With speed akin to the snap of a finger, Miu’s furious attitude suddenly let loose an enormously happy one. If the twink in front of her said that her pupils turned into dollar signs, she wouldn’t be in the least bit surprised. She took a pen out of her shirt pocket, and promptly clicked it open; the fresh ink shivered in anticipation.  
  
“W-What’ll the name be under, ma’am?!”

“Can’t it just be Bluecorp?” The voice murmured, to which Miu assured him he couldn't. “Whatever, use my name, then. Hagakure.” There was a pause at the other end of the phone before it exploded in a flurry of panicked noises, all offended at the use of ‘ma’am’. Miu was pleased she had found another half-decent bully target - so pleased, in fact, she didn’t even notice the shortie’s sudden change in expression.  
  
“Huh, I don’t even need to change your name for it to be an insult,” Miu chuckled. “Sweet! So, Hagakure, give me a big list on all of the stuff you’re droppin’ off at our bank.”  
  
“-nd how could you possibly think I sound like a - um, sure?” Hagakure said. “Let’s see. We’re dropping off-”

\------------------

“W-we-” Himiko let out a much-needed breath of air as she came to a stop in front of the store, wind chimes filling the air with a melodious tune of victory and relief. The store - the one that sold their reward - was just an inch in front of them, and Shuichi could swear he could smell the scent of delicious packs of karinto through the walls. “-are here, Shuichi! E-excellent!”

“Himiko…!” Shuichi gasped, taking in as much air as he could. He hunched over, resting his arm on an only slightly steadier Himiko. “N-next time, warn me before you drag me off like that…!”  
  
“Oh…” Himiko said. “S-sorry. Anyways,” She regained her posture, shifting Shuichi’s hand to resting on her shoulder, as she rummaged through her black (but, naturally, over-decorated) pocketbook.

For a couple of minutes, the only sound Shuichi registered were the frustrating grunts of Himiko searching desperately for her wallet, and the pocketbook refusing to subside it to her. Finally, after Himiko had searched every inch of her pocketbook, she sighed in defeat. Shuichi's heart knotted in on itself.

“...I don’t suppose you have any money?”

Shuichi regretfully shook his head. Himiko whispered something under her breath in defeat, and began to tap through her phone, searching for something she could use to bargain a few yen for. Somewhat thankfully, even that depressing mood didn’t last long; only a few minutes passed until Shuichi was brought out of his stupor by a stomped foot.

“Shuichi! We can’t just give up like this!” Himiko said. “Sure, my wallet was stolen, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get money another way!”

“Legally?”  
  
Himiko didn’t meet Shuichi’s eyes.

\------------------

“Himiko... “ Shuichi sighed. “I love you, but really…”

“Hush!” Himiko said, tugging at the rope that she looped around an upper spike on top of Wright Bank. The moon hung in the air, clouds shrouding it from earth. Tokyo was far more silent at night than during the day; Shuichi could hear himself breathe. Though, that might’ve been from the stress, not the silence.  

“I just…” Shuichi tugged at his collar. “I don’t think you’re doing this correctly? We’re not even wearing masks, just our normal clothes, and all we have is rope, an unloaded water gun, and a paper clip.”  
  
“And my magic,” Himiko helpfully supplied. “Let’s go, already! Stop thinking negatively! I want that karinto!”

Shuichi grumbled in defeat as he slowly ascended the thinning rope. Himiko was right on top of his legs, whispering something that sounded like a plea for him to go faster. He tried to fufill her wishes, but it was hard to when the rope was thinning as he inched closer and closer to the top. 

Shuichi fell onto the roof of the bank after what felt like eternity, gasping for any ounce of breath. If he was a year older (and didn’t participate in Kaito and Maki’s training sessions), he would probably have gotten a heart attack, ending their venture on a premature note. For contrast, Himiko calmly finished her ascent, and began to roll the rope up, humming a cheery working song as she was doing so. Shuichi spent a few more seconds on a wild goose hunt for his breath, and gently rested himself on his knees once he finally gathered himself.

“Himiko, you can’t actually be-”  
  
“Okay, Shuichi, we’re in!” Himiko said, unscrewing the last bolt on the metal vent using her magic wand (Shuichi didn’t really want to think too hard about how she managed that). She carelessly tossed the vent to the side, sending it hurdling over the side of the roof and onto the concrete ground below. A cat yelped in the distance, and a man shouted in anger. Shuichi randomly came to the conclusion that the man was very short.

Himiko jabbed Shuichi in the back to thrust him out of his random theory session, and gestured down the vent. “Okay, so, what we do, is we put this bomb in the vent.” She held up some type of electric bomb, origins completely undisclosed. “Then, we blow the bomb up, and we jump down while there’s still smoke and we dramatically pose. After our sufficiently intimidating entrance, we ask for…” Himiko stopped. “Um, how much is two bags of karinto?”

“The place we’re going to is overpriced, so about 300 yen?” Shuichi wondered. “I mean, I heard it’s good karinto, bu-”  
  
“We will ask for 600 yen! Just in case I want to get some for Danzo.”

Danzo was one of Shuichi’s fondest memories, and the equivalent of him and Himiko’s legal child. He had blue eyes, stubby legs, and was a tiger that Himiko blackmailed out of a zoo. Danzo was  only a few months old, but he was already quite big; Shuichi has struggled to even pick him up without assistance the past few months. Whether that’s because of his age or Himiko feeding him huge amounts of strange food is questionable.

“Is that even safe?” Shuichi muttered, patting Himiko on the head in what he hoped was praise. She purred, as if she was imitating Danzo - was their entire family one big food chain?

“...probably.” Himiko mused, cuddling into Shuichi’s chest. The two soon-to-be-bank-robbers shared a moment on top of their next target’s roof, in each other’s arms, watching the stars shine across the shadowed horizon.

It was relaxing. Shuichi could’ve fallen asleep on his knees, if Himiko didn’t push off of him after a minute, and slowly crawl her way towards the vent. She dipped her head in, scrutinizing the building. Oddly enough, in the minute they had been staring at the stars, it began its attempt to destroy as many ears as possible with an assault of alarm bells. Still, despite the outrageously loud alarms ringing in her ears, there appeared to be nobody particularly panicked inside the bank.

She turned towards Shuichi, likely to order him to begin the plan, but he was already ignoring her.  
  
Shuichi tore the rest of the vent wide open using a sharp piece of metal stranded on the roof nearby, and grabbed the rope Himiko used to climb up. After tugging it to make sure it was stable enough (it wasn’t, but Shuichi had nothing else), he forcefully grabbed Himiko in his arms, and fell down the vent.

And still, nobody noticed their break-in. There was absolutely no life Shuichi could detect walking the bank’s halls. Even as the rope lassoed around the chandelier and the duo was sent flying towards a glass pane, there was naught a whisper aside from their screams.

...Shuichi didn’t really want to think about what that could imply.  
  
\-------------------------

“Nice job, Kaguya!” Kokichi praised as Kaguya stuffed the unconscious (and still mildly pissed off) body of Miu Iruma into her trusty kidnapping sack, duct tape plastered all over a mouth that was still trying to swear. The long brown-haired girl smirked in pride as she made sure none of Miu’s limbs stuck out of the not-really-patched-up holes in the sack. Kaguya unwound the hair tie on her wrist and began to wrap it around the sack’s opening loop as tight as she could, Kokichi pacing in the background.

 “Thank you, boss!” Kaguya said. “But, DICE is made up of the best phantom thieves around, you know. I wouldn’t be on DICE if I wasn’t consistently doing a good job.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Kokichi said. “Whoever gave us the nickname phantom thieves...” Kokichi tutted. “They’ll never see what’s coming to them, I _swear_. I hate it!”

“No, you don’t.”  
  
Kokichi’s smile got a thousand times more forced. “Yes, I do! New topic; where’s all the bank security?”  
  
Kaguya was probably rolling her eyes under her clown mask. “I slept them all already. You know, Qada’s aphrodisiacs really do work wonders.” Kaguya tossed the body-sack over her shoulder. “What I really want to know is where Bluecorp’s jewels are loc-”

Their conversation was cut short by a crash from the other room, the shattering of glass, and a thump to the ground that sounded oddly like human flesh. Kokichi almost felt like hyperventilating when he heard the echo of two voices - one male and one female - travel from the other room.

“That wasn’t us,” Kaguya helpfully supplied.

\-------------------

“-nd that was a completely crazy thing to do, Shuichi!” Himiko drawled on, cracking her back in an attempt to wash the fatigue away. Shuichi was sprawled on the floor, not even making an attempt to get back on his feet; Himiko probably would’ve thought he was catatonic if he didn’t mutter half-hearted responses every now and then. “I mean, not even Tenko would’ve done something so… reckless! And she’s the most reckless person I know! You better be thankful I cast a protection spell before we hit the floor.”

“Thanks…” Shuichi said. He still refused to move.

Himiko puffed out her cheeks, and reached her hand out to the unmoving Shuichi. “C’mon, Shuichi! We have to find the teller and tell her to give us 600 yen!” The dumbest smile Shuichi had ever seen suddenly got plastered to Himiko’s face. “Get it? Teller? Tell her?”

Shuichi felt himself unwillingly giggle as he allowed Himiko to help him up on his feet. “Yeah, I get it. And i’ll be safer next time, pinkie promise.”

“Good! I know I say to live positively, with energy, but sometimes you’re a little too much like Kaito for your own good.” Himiko said, carefully assisting Shuichi as he traversed the maze of shattered glass that enveloped the entirety of the bank’s floor. Shuichi wasn’t sure when they crashed into glass, but whenever they did, it was certainly the most dramatic moment of his life. If he wasn’t sure that he was in an action-slash-romance movie before, he was definitely sure now. 

The two of them traversed the maze of glass, taking care not to cut their shabby shoes on the sharper pieces, and breathed a sigh of relief once they got to the end with only one or two cuts. Despite the lack of major cuts, Shuichi couldn’t help himself from freaking out and performing first aid on all of Himiko’s injuries, foregoing his for a short while. Himiko, seemingly pleased at her boyfriend’s dedication, pet him as he tended to her. The bank teller’s phone rang in its lonely location. Shuichi buried the large amount of fear he suddenly was struck with and continued his treatment.

Fifteen long, agonizing minutes passed before Shuichi was entirely satisfied with the state of Himiko’s injuries. He clasped a part of the first-aid kit together as he raised himself off his knees - yet, before he could finish closing the first-aid kit, Himiko jammed her hand in the way.

“No way, Shuichi. We didn’t fix up your injuries.” Himiko said, swiping the first-aid kit and rummaging through its contents. She was rewarded with a hello-kitty band aid that she unceremoniously slapped on Shuichi’s cut on his leg. It didn’t do much to stop the bleeding, but it did manage to absorb a slight bit of the blood. Shuichi’s cheeks warmed up at the sight.

“Cute and effective,” Himiko muttered, looping her arm around Shuichi’s. She leaned into him, humming in delight. “You’re the perfect assistant!” 

“More like ‘partner-in-crime.” Shuichi mumbled, but didn’t protest at the pressure. Him and Himiko, joined together in which would be cute if they weren’t in the middle of a robbery attempt and, headed down the hallway towards the safes. If there wasn’t anyone who they could force a ransom out of, they would have to lock-pick their way into 600 yen.

Himiko was using her free hand to fiddle with a paper clip and nibbling on it to sharpen it, so Shuichi had the vague idea she knew what she was doing. He didn’t know whether to be happy that she could save him from a prolonged robbing experience, or to be worried about how she actually obtained this skill.

A sharpened, expertly shaped paperclip-lockpick suddenly came into his field of vision. Himiko was practically jumping out of sheer pride.

“This’ll make it easy to break into a safe,” Himiko said. “When you’re a magician, you gotta know stuff like this!”  
  
“Do you really…?” Shuichi wondered out loud, spurting out a laugh when Himiko playfully jabbed him in the chest. 

The couple’s mood lightened even more when the central safe came into view - which was odd in the first place. Shuichi was fairly certain that robbers usually weren’t in good moods. Even so, Himiko clapped her hands together and ran towards the safe’s lock, digging her paper clip into its mechanisms.

“Shouldn’t take me too long,” Himiko helpfully added as she fiddled with the ginormous lock. Shuichi heard a few faint clicks originating from the safe, and a few murmurs of victory, making him turn around t-

“Hi! Who are you two?”  
  
Shuichi and Himiko both went into shock when they saw a brown-haired girl (carrying a faintly fiddling bodybag over her shoulder) and a short, black-and-purple haired boy that was frantically waving at him. They both were wearing juggalo masks.

Shuichi couldn’t think of anything scarier, even as he faintly heard the bank teller’s phone start to loudly ring in the main lobby again.

\------------------- 

“What do you think she was trying to say?” Jin said, placing the emergency cell onto its rightful place on the wall. He clicked the speaker off. “I couldn’t understand a word out of her. And she’s not picking up, no matter how many times I call.”  
  
Kirumi lifted her head up, eager to get distracted out of her mountains of paperwork. “I think she was saying that a twink and a 'loli' were trying to extort her for money, no?” 

“For _money_?” Munakata said. “No, no. She definitely said they were trying to steal her… her… wealth virginity.” He scrunched up his eyes. 

“Same thing,” Kirumi grumbled as Munakata continued his flowery, detailed rant about how he interpreted the many incorrect things he heard on the phone. It was enveloped in so much prose, Jin could tune him out without much trouble. 

“Couldn’t have been anything too important,” Jin said, going through the phone’s memory to replay the message - in the bleak hope he’d understand it a second time. “I’ll send in an intern, just in case it wasn’t a prank call.”

Kirumi blinked. “Mr. Kirigiri, i’m the only intern we have.”  
  
Kirumi was sure she wouldn’t forget the unforgiving demon that possessed Jin's face anytime soon.

\------------------- 

The phone was still ringing in the background as Shuichi and Himiko were faced with two strangely dressed teenagers - at least, judging by their body types, Shuichi was deducing they were teenagers. Even though they were both shorter than him and barely taller than Himiko, Shuichi couldn't help but feel like they were horrific angels that had come to profess their eternal judgement on him and Himiko.

That last part was what he was really worried about. Shuichi could handle being thrown in jail - he hopes, at least - but Himiko? Shuichi would rather die than see the day when Himiko was locked up forever, her shows of happiness and thrill never to be seen again by the outside world. All because she was hit with the idea to rob a bank.

“I’m Kokichi Ouma! But you can just call me Kokichi!” Shortie - no, Kokichi helpfully offered to a starstruck Himiko and Shuichi. “I’m sure you’re wondering why the alarm was already off-”  
  
“That was because of me!” Brown Hair interjected. “Kaguya Shirai, at your service! I’m DICE’s technology expert -” Kaguya seemed to realize something. “Oh, sorry. DICE is our organization of phantom thieves. We have one mission in life - sticking it to the man, capitalism!”

Shuichi and Himiko recovered from their frozen stupor and regained their composure, giving the thieves a wayward glance. While Shuichi just seemed wary and paranoid - as he should be - Himiko just seemed frustrated that her lockpicking attempt had been foiled by a jumpscare.  
  
“Can’t my life change already?” Himiko muttered, turning her heel on the thieves and hiding her head in Shuichi’s chest. “Why are you here?”  
  
“Bluecorp shipped in around a gazillion yen to this bank for…” Kaguya put a finger to her chin. “Actually, I don’t know why. But Kokichi heard it from the bank teller, Miu.” Kaguya pat her sack, which movements were quickly escalating in franticity. Kaguya didn’t look particularly worried. 

Kokichi flung his hand to the side, sending his ratty black cape jerk up from the small draft. “If you’re here for them, i’m afraid i’ll have to murder you where you stand!”

Shuichi - after calmly patting Himiko and promising that they’ll get out of this okay, he’ll make sure of it, shifted his body towards the juggalo duo. He had to labor to mold his face into something vaguely resembling assurity.

“L-listen, we didn’t even k-know there were jewe-”  
  
Kokichi let out a flood of giggles. “Yeah, right! That’s why we both were conveniently robbing the same bank, at the same time, and we’re aiming for the same safe!”

Shuichi got visions of a gun ramming against his head, HImiko screaming in terror as she was thrown into the sack with what was sounding like a pervert, Kokichi kneeling over him finger on the trigger and then the wall behind him became soaked in his blood and himiko was

Himiko brushed against his hand. “Shuichi. Look at me.”  
  
He granted her wish, and gazed down into her determined brown eyes. They were staring at Shuichi, cheering him on in their own way. She was more fierce than he had ever seen before - not violently fierce, no, it was an utterly calming fire that enthralled him to the core. 

“Believe in me.” She reconsidered her choice of words. “...believe in the me that believes in you.”

And in that moment, more confident than he had ever been in his life, all of his inane worries washed away, Shuichi believed in magic. 

“Kokichi, we really didn’t know. Me and Himiko went on a date - it’s the first we’ve been on in weeks, I’ve been so busy,” Himiko uncomfortably shifted against him. “So I wanted to make it special. We were at the park, just walking and talking, when Himiko expressed interest in going to a place that sells karinto. The nearest was, um, two-”  
  
“One!”  
  
“Right, one mile away. Anyway, on that one mile, Himiko's wallet got pickpocketed, which left us with no money to spare. So, we came to this bank to try to force the teller to give us 600 yen so we could get some karinto, but-" Shuichi pointed at the sack. "-that wasn't an option, so we went here to go and pick the safe."

"You've gotta believe him," Himiko said. "He's telling the truth. You can take all the jewels you want! We just want 600 yen, that's all, and we'll go on our way."

Shuichi braced himself for the bullet to make impact with his skull, but after ten seconds of his eyes squeezed shut in anticipation, that pain never came. He opened them to be met with the two thieves, more amused than he remembered.

“Wow, you have some real detective talk on you, beloved!” Kokichi said, making Shuichi choke on his own spit. “You could be a really good phantom thief, one day! Well, maybe not, since you’re an idiot, robbing a bank for the equivalent of six US dollars, but alright.”  
  
“Why did you mention that last part?” Kaguya offhandedly asked. Kokichi shrugged.

“Eh, fact is, are you sure that the nearest karinto place was a mile away?” Kokichi said. “Karinto is, like, so common that i’m sure this bank is selling some, am I right? You sure your little girlfriend didn't just get an urge to do some breaking and entering and roped you into it through a convoluted plot?” 

Shuichi felt like a lightbulb went off in his head, and he looked down at a Himiko leaning on his chest, trying her best to be as small as possible. 

“Himiko?” Shuichi said. “Was that really the nearest place?" 

“I, well, er,” Himiko said, sweat rolling down her face. She tried to wipe it off, to no avail. “Listen, Shuichi, I just wanted to, um, do something special. Go to a place with good karinto. And all of the karinto nearby was ultra, super bad.”  
  
“It would’ve been special if we went to the worst karinto place on the world, Himiko,” Shuichi sighed. “Every day’s special when i’m with you, and I don’t care how cheesy that is. Remember what they say-”  
  
“Couples are allowed to be cheesy, no matter what, as long as they’re cheesy _together_.” Himiko said, mood slightly elated. Shuichi didn’t hear Kaguya and Kokichi gag in the background.

“But, still.” Shuichi said, placing his hand on Himiko’s shoulder. “Himiko, was there any ulterior reason for us to do all this? Rob a bank? It’s been surprisingly fun so far, I will admit, but we could’ve probably just ran to a friend of mine’s apartment and gotten the money. We didn’t need to go through all,” He gestured at Kokichi and Kaguya, who looked almost nauseous. “this.”

“Shuichi, I…” Himiko murmured, refusing to meet Shuichi’s gaze. “I didn’t want karinto all that badly. I just wanted to spend more time with you.”

“By robbing a bank?”  
  
“Well-!” Himiko said with an over-exaggerated frown, but quickly tried to remedy it with a bright smile. “I thought that, since you have so many friends and have so much going on, that after we went on our walk to the park, you’d just leave and I wouldn’t see you again for the rest of the day…” Himiko’s eyes were doing their best to net up the tears that were welling on either side, to minimal success. Himiko’s smile suddenly seemed fake. “I know it’s selfish, but I just wanted an entire day of you to myself. A-and, you have so many friends, that, I was positive you wouldn’t! And if we begged a friend of yours for money, you would’ve just stayed at their house, and…”  
  
“Himiko…” Shuichi said. “I didn’t know… I...” 

“S-S-Shuichi…!”

The two of them embraced, Himiko burying her head into Shuichi’s chest, soaking it with her newly unbidden tears. Shuichi himself could never admit that tears started to spill out of his eyes as well, as the two of them stood there, unknowing to anything else in the world. In that moment, they weren’t impulsively robbing a bank - they were back in the park, birds singing, koi jumping, and watching the sun set as a pair. As a couple. As partners.

Shuichi really did wish the moment could last forever. He wasn't psychic, but he thought Himiko wished that too.

Unfortunately, a forced cough forced the two of them out of their fantasy and back into the unforgiving present.  
  
“Hey, lovebirds,” Kokichi said, reaching into his side pocket. “If you really want that 600 yen, just take mine. Please stop with _whatever_ you’re doing.”  

“ _Please_ ,” Kaguya repeated. 

Himiko happily accepted Kokichi’s offer through her tearful vision, and flipped through her newly acquired wad of cash. Her eyes narrowed, noticeably confused behind the well of tears. “This is monopoly money.”  
  
“It’s all I got,” Kokichi shrugged. “I’m a starving artist.”  
  
“Starving _escape_ artist.” Kaguya explained.

“You two are jerkfaces,” Himiko said, wrapping her arms around Shuichi’s body harder - perhaps in an attempt to strangle his body, with the force she was applying. “Unlike my beloved Shuichi.”

“Hey, that’s your line!” Kaguya loudly whispered to Kokichi, causing him to snicker in delight. Instead of spraying them with pepper or something and leaving them to the dogs, Kokichi unexpectedly reached down into his shoe and pulled out something.

It was pink, drenched in dozens of sparkly little trinkets, and had more than a few scribbles of tigers on it. There a few bills poking out of it after getting messily shoved in.

“I pickpocketed this wallet off of someone earlier today,” Kokichi said, holding out the wallet to a less-tearful Himiko. “I forgot about it, so you two can have it!”

Himiko took it and kicked Kokichi in the shin.

\------------------

Kirumi leaned her head into the crater on the top of the bank, the alarms drowning out most of the thoughts running through her head. She flipped open her phone and sent a few more worried texts to Jin, but he refused to respond, even if he did read them. She sighed in defeat, tugging at her itchy catsuit she was forced to wear.

Kirumi firmly attached her grappling hook to the top of the ceiling as she made her patient descent down onto the waves of glass on the floor, only hurting herself once or twice as she ran on the glass onto safer ground. Jin still wasn’t responding to her texts. She made to send another one, fingers tapping across the scre- 

“Woah, who are you?”  
  
Kirumi flipped around to be met with what looked like the Insane Clown Posse’s new concert. Or, more likely, it was just a pair of two thieves who thought they were funny, but Kirumi liked her first thought better. One of them had long brown hair, and the other was an overly pale twink, who was grasping onto the side of his leg in what she assumed to be pain. Despite his obvious agony, he seemed to still have the energy to act like a cheery little boy.

“I’m Kirumi Toujou, with the Tokyo Police Force.” Kirumi shot out her fake badge, the fake gold plating reflecting moonlight all around the lobby. “We’re putting you under arrest for-”  
  
“Arrest? But we didn’t do anything!” The brown-hair girl interjected. “We’re the security guards!”  
  
Kirumi raised an eyebrow and pointed at the now-moving sack the brown-haired girl slung over her back. “Yes, and i’m the prime minister of Japan.” 

“I don’t know, the world is crazy nowadays,” The washed-out twink standing next to the brown-haired girl said. “But what really matters is she was a kidnapper who tried to break into Bluecorp’s supply of jewels, and we stopped her!”  
  
Kirumi felt her eyes narrow. “What jewels?”  
  
“The one Bluecorp sent in earlier today?” Brown Hair said. Kirumi shook her head. 

“No, no. Bluecorp ran it by us, earlier. They wanted the bank to hold numerous amounts of props for Hagakure’s new, pitched television show. And anyway, the importation of mass amounts of real jewels is banned by the Deliverer’s Regulational Group, so there couldn’t possibly be real, imported jewels in there.” Kirumi allowed herself a grin. “But, if I may be so undignified, I believe that ‘Hagakure’s Horoscope Hour’ is going to be a hit. I will make sure that your cell has access to a television.”  
  
Twink and Brown Hair exchanged glances before holding out their hands in defeat (Twink somewhat reluctantly) - forcing Brown Hair to send the bodybag catapulting to the ground. Kirumi ignored the string of muffled swears coming out of the sack as she handcuffed the two thieves together, pleased at their cooperation.

\------------------

Ten miles away from the nearest prison, a bell chimed as Himiko and Shuichi paraded into the store the second midnight struck, surprising the saleswoman (who was reading a trashy magazine to get through the dull night shift). She stared at them in disbelief for a few seconds as Himiko excitedly rummaged through her wallet, Shuichi attempting to apologize to her with her eyes.

“Here you go!” Himiko pronounced, spreading the money on top of the shabby wooden desk. “600 yen - for 4 packs of karino!” The saleswoman quirked an eyebrow at the money. 

“Sweetie,” She began. “Today is Free Karinto Day.”

\------------------

“-nd that’s all for Hagakure’s Horoscope Hour!” The obligatory hot blond chick sing-songed next to the man himself. Hagakure was cross-legged in front of a mystical crystal ball, pleased at his 30% accurate prediction of springtime marriage to all Virgos and Sagittarius pairings within a nine-mile radius. “I’m sure you’re all despairing that it’s over!”

“Don’t worry, folks!” Hagakura guffawed. “There’ll be another reading session in five hours! This time, i’ll be predicting what’s going to happen to all of the other signs - er, what other signs are there?”  
  
“You did all of them!” The blond chick lied. Kokichi vaguely thought she was a Capricorn; it had slipped Hagakure's brain to predict their unfortunate fate.

"Oh, okay,” Hagakura muttered. “I guess i’ll do the Chinese Zodiac, then? Whatever!” He threw up a peace sign. “See you all-”  
  
Kokichi slammed the power button, turning the television off.

“I should start a show like this,” Kokichi said, lying on the prison cell’s cot, flipping through the deck of tarot cards he pickpocketed out of some fortune-teller chick in the cell next to his. Kaguya was tapping at her Tamagotchi on the edge of the cot, her mind almost controlled by her virtual critter.

“Astrology with Kokichi,” He continued to an uncaring Kaguya. “It would be a hit.”  
  
Kaguya’s mind detached from the hungry pixel kitty, and allowed a disappointed expression to grace her face. “Uh-huh. Right. What are you going to do, insult everybody you know on television and get paid?”

“Yes,” Kokichi said, taking out a sharpie that he keeps on his person at all times. The tarot cards shuddered. “That’s _exactly_ what I will do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kaguya's this chick by the way  
> NDRV3 Spoilers; http://i.imgur.com/XoLvT7G.png


End file.
